I know one person who chose a bad partner. Nothing strange. Strangely, she chose the same partner twice. How will the story end the second time? Identical to the first time.
I can understand this for particularly green personalities, roughly those who have not yet reached adolescence, but to be an adult and to make before-mentioned choices consciously, there are clearly some more deep-rooted reasons.
To be straightforward, we all make decisions sometimes because of our fear, but fear is unquestionably the worst decision-maker when it comes to choosing a partner. When we make decisions out of fear, we do not want to face the truth. Many are willing to reside in an unfortunate relationship that does not fulfil them because they are frightened of being alone. In fact, what we ought to fear the most is that we will waste the rest of our lives living poorly with the wrong person. If you are aware that you are in a relationship because you are afraid of being alone (or afraid that your partner will find someone else if you leave him/her), you must concede that you are accepting to be unhappy now because you are afraid of being unhappy later. What an irony, right ?!
We are often unknowingly attracted to the same dysfunctional pattern over and over again because it plays along familiar strings, reminiscent of the wounds you experienced as a child. People tend to choose partners who have comparable negative characteristics to the people who raised them.
We all have emotional wounds, but when those wounds get profound and we don’t take care of them, they can lead to pathology. The problem is that in relationships, pathology requires pathology. This is how people try to heal their wounds. But unfortunately, we try to heal these wounds in the wrong place, with the wrong person, because these partners are often “emotionally damaged” by us in the same way as we are, and they cannot even offer us more or better than what our parents did.
People with low self-esteem often choose bad partners because they don’t believe in their worth, so they don’t think they can get better than that. They ignore the warning signs and agree to what they are offered, although such a relationship and a partner do not suit them. They agree to the first ballot because “there will be no second chance” and still they are happy to have won the lottery. They just don’t feel truly valuable, so they endure every display of love (no matter how it is manifested) very significantly. He can even be easily persuaded that the blasts are from love, that he is cheating on her because she is not good enough, but he still loves her … (she is guilty of cheating, of course), that no one else would want her in the world, that jealousy is a sign of love …
Some women offer only one thing to a potential partner – their body, their beauty… they think that if they are beautiful enough, thin, scarcely dressed (or anything related solely to appearance), that they deserve love. Indeed, anyone can offer much more than their body and their beauty. People with low self-esteem think that this is a key factor in choosing a partner, so they try to offer it maximally. If your partner chooses you because of your looks, believe me, you won’t get much. Everybody is loaded with beauty. And there will always be someone better-looking, younger… Some people choose you because of their character, some because they can laugh with you, feeling good about himself in your company, because of what they appreciate about you that others maybe can’t see … because you share the same life values, because you dream the same dreams … you will remain in friendship with such persons, in love, in a peaceful harbour … with such persons you will grow old, without drama, without deleting shared pictures from social networks…
Offer something more than your beauty, work on your inner self… it’s cheaper than false eyelashes and puffy lips.
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Reblogged this on Perfect Yourself.