Manipulation – Are you a victim?

Manipulation is defined as skilful control by something or someone. Manipulation techniques are common tool psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists and other types of predators use to exert control over their victims.

Manipulation is an emotionally unhealthy psychological strategy used by people who are incapable of asking for what they want and need directly. A manipulative person knows how to twist words, play on emotions and otherwise manage a situation in a sneaky fashion to get what he wants. Are you a victim of manipulation? Do you feel like you’re being manipulated?

Why do people manipulate?

Manipulators usually feel the need to control their environment and surroundings, and this urge often stems from deep-seated fear or anxiety. We all try to fulfil our needs, but manipulators use underhanded methods. They don’t genuinely care about other people’s needs, but only their own needs. They use indirect, dishonest, or abusive tactics to covertly influence someone. Manipulators try to sway a person’s emotions to get them to act in a particular way or feel a particular thing. People who are intentionally manipulative often do so in an endeavour to avoid healthier strategies, such as direct communication of their needs or mutual intimacy and vulnerability.

Manipulative people comprehend what they are doing.

Some of them have a prior complex and have a need to feel control and don’t feel guilty for it, but some have personality disorder like narcissistic, borderline or sociopathic disorder. They may simply be psychopaths. Psychopaths use manipulation tactics in a high degree. The manipulator uses your weakness against you and for their advantage. They never question themselves if the problem is them, they always think the problem is someone else. Manipulative people don’t understand the idea of boundaries. They are in the pursuit of what they need or want and don’t think about who gets hurt along the way. They actually seek empathetic targets and exploit their inner qualities like generosity, kindness and loyalty.

People who feel the need to control others, don’t have control over themselves.

Signs of manipulation

They strive to control you. They make you feel guilty and belittle your opinion. They constantly play the victim. They reject to communicate and try to make you feel inferior and unsafe. They act like they don’t understand and that nothing is their fault – it’s always you. And if it’s them, then it’s no big deal. They expect you to obey their rules – and quite often they present it’s for your own good. They don’t acknowledge your feelings and twist your words to benefit them. They try to shame or humiliate you – or even make you look and even feel insane.

The manipulator yells.
You yell back.
The manipulator lowers the tone saying: “Why are you yelling?”

They create a wicked picture of you in front of others. They convert your insecurities into your flaws. When you don’t conform to the manipulator, they turn cold. Then they try to inject fear in you to make you conform them. They say rude things that they mean, but then they say it is just a joke.

Anatomy of a manipulator

A manipulator appears so charming, but (s)he is an expert in lying and denying. Self-obsession is just another trait of a manipulator while controlling is always present. He makes fun of you and judges you openly and ignores your feelings. He isolates you from others. He uses the silent treatment to get what they want. He makes you question your sanity and yourself in general. He has guilt trips and gaslights, but he plays dumb to avoid the blame. The most important thing is why he chose you! He seeks for emotional and vulnerable people. If you had more than one manipulative relationship (spouse, friend, parent etc.), then try seeking a skilled psychotherapist to help yourself grow new, stronger you.

Write to me about your experiences!